The New NCAA Math

The late great comedienne Gilda Radner played a recurring character named Emily Litella during the early glory years of “Saturday Night Live”. Ms. Litella appeared from time to time during Weekend Update segments to deliver misinformed Op Ed rants on topics as varied as “violins on television”, “protecting endangered feces” and the “Eagle Rights Amendment”. Each of these hilarious segments would start with, “What’s all this I hear about…?”.

I was reminded recently of Emily Litella as an interesting Sports Fan topic began to unfold. So it is with deepest apologies to Gilda Radner that I ask, “What’s all this I hear about the NCAA basketball tournament expanding?”

The story first “broke” as I was attending the annual reunion of friends at Kels’ Frog Hollow manor near the banks of the upper Hudson River. Think Woodstock, with round-the-clock basketball instead of music. And much better beer. The sons and step-sons of Ithaca College, circa 1980 gather here each year to catch up on old and new times, make good-natured fun of each other, and revel in the early rounds of March Madness. 

The topic of a potential 96-team tournament was first brought up by game announcers desperate for material during one of the #1 vs. #16 seed blow-out games, and our resident panel of expert analysts were quick to spring to a conclusion. “That’s ridiculous”, we agreed and sent out for another round. It seemed like an open and shut issue. With 96 teams targeted for inclusion in the New! Improved! March Madness, we calculated that if we could come up with a three-point marksman, WE could probably qualify for the tournament. After all, we still had college eligibility left.

Having given it some thought since then however, I am moved to channel my inner Emily Litella and say “Never mind”. Here’s my rationale…

First of all, it’s a done deal. There’s big money on the table, and as very few people actually know, NCAA actually stands for Needs Cash Above All. What they do with the millions in rights fees that they already receive is a mystery, but that’s another topic. So it’s going to happen – the only question is how big the expansion will be. And I’ve thoroughly appreciated the comedic value of watching the talking heads on The Family Of Networks attempt to work out the math as the story unfolded.

I was never a whiz at algebra or trigonometry, but I like to think that I have a pretty good grasp of basic addition, subtraction and percentages, thanks to a lifetime of tracking sports statistics. And in anyone’s SAT study guide, 96 is 150% of 64 and 96-64=32. Which means that a new collection of 32 teams would be added to take up battle with the former low-rent squatters of the tournament’s caste system. For college basketball’s elite programs there would be no impact on post-season play whatsoever. The proletariat known as “every team seeded higher than 32″ would each play just one more game in order to then create the framework of the tourney as it exists today. Simple. And sure enough, that is the scenario that has gradually been spoon-fed to the media over the past several days. But may I add a couple of thoughts?

First, to those that say this means the end of the NIT tournament…well, you’re right. But the NCAA already owns the rights to the NIT, and by extension the souls of its participating teams. Ask any player whether they’d rather take part in a watered-down NCAA or the event that The Bird, in her best Rhode Island honk dismisses as “The Los-ah’s Tournament”. I’m guessing they’d unanimously go for the Big[ger] Dance.

Second, with regard to the quality of play issue, let’s be real.  A huge proportion of those that passionately track the spectacle of March Madness watch hardly any college basketball prior to the tournament. But they do love taking part in NCAA pools – and for all they know or care, William & Mary vs. George Mason is a guy and his girlfriend playing against a talented bricklayer. To these folks, adding another 32 teams to the mix is simply enhancing the fun of betting, much to the horror of purist basketball fans. And who can really argue with them? For my part, the only concern I have is how to get the whole 96-team bracket on one piece of paper without triggering mass blindness.

The thing that does truly trouble me though is the proposed timing of when these extra 32 games would be played. The fledgling schedule that has seeped out of NCAA HQ has the entire 150% larger tournament played within the same three week framework that exists today, with the bulk of what we now know as the First Round played on a Tuesday and Wednesday. This will never do. Can Corporate America absorb yet another two days of productivity freefall each March? And most importantly, what would be the timing impact on our humble Frog Hollow Reunion each year? The ripple effects on annual vacation planning boggle the mind!

So here’s my humble proposal. Expand the tournament to cover FOUR weekends. Maintain the Thursday through Sunday format, inserting a Pre-First Round Weekend (admittedly, there will have to be some work done on branding here). Spread the Economic Impact wealth to an additional four cities, each of which would host eight games. Day/night double-headers on either Thursday & Saturday or Friday & Sunday. OR! Make it a true live basketball bonanza in just two cities, each of which would stage day/night double-headers on all four days. You’d have to beat hoops fans away with sticks!

The beneficial impact of this elegant plan is two-fold. First, although it would make for a tough decision as to which weekend should be chosen, the delicate logistical balance of the annual Frog Hollow Reunion could be maintained.

Second, and perhaps most importantly, pushing back the Final Four by one week would eliminate The Quandary faced each year by this humble Sports Fan:  on the first Monday of April, do I dedicate myself to the NCAA Championship Game or savor every pitch of the Angel’s season opener? I think you would agree that Sophie’s Choice was a lay-up in comparison.